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Dory chose Nana when Nana was three. We were at Wal-Mart, I can't remember why. We hardly ever go to Wal-Mart, but that day we were, and that day we were in the pet aisle. There was, along one aisle, a row of tanks of fish. Nana proceeded to run up to the tanks and hug the goldfish tank. "Nana, that," she said to me, over and over. "Nana, that." Finally, I gave in. The goldfish cost 25 cents each, it wasn't a big deal. It would die in few days anyway, right? So I bought a cheap bowl, some rocks and some food and we headed home. Nana promptly named the goldfish "Dory", after all, Finding Nemo was the big thing.
Dory has lasted longer than I ever expected her to, and no matter what people say about goldfish, they really do work their way into your heart. Nana will spend hours talking to Dory, telling her stories or singing or showing off her latest Karate moves. Really, Dory is as much a part of the family as Nana is, or my husband, or I.
Lately, Dory has been sick. She isn't moving around alot, and she's losing her scales. We've done everything we possibly could for her, and she's just not improving. I've even contacted a few veteranarians in our area, and none of them treat fish--especially not 2-year-old goldfish. So, it seems inevitable that Dory is going to die. Every morning, we tell Nana not to expect too much out of Dory today. "It'll be okay," Nana always tells us. "Dory will be okay." We've promised her that if Dory dies, she will get another fish, but it doesn't seem to register. "Dory will be okay," she says.
Nana has never had anyone close to her die before, and even though a pet is not as big a thing as a grandparent, a parent, or a sibling, I know that it will be extremely hard on Nana to lose Dory. Does anyone have any advice, short of going out and replacing Dory with a new fish (because I know Nana would notice Dory's "miraculous" recovery.)?
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Dory has lasted longer than I ever expected her to, and no matter what people say about goldfish, they really do work their way into your heart. Nana will spend hours talking to Dory, telling her stories or singing or showing off her latest Karate moves. Really, Dory is as much a part of the family as Nana is, or my husband, or I.
Lately, Dory has been sick. She isn't moving around alot, and she's losing her scales. We've done everything we possibly could for her, and she's just not improving. I've even contacted a few veteranarians in our area, and none of them treat fish--especially not 2-year-old goldfish. So, it seems inevitable that Dory is going to die. Every morning, we tell Nana not to expect too much out of Dory today. "It'll be okay," Nana always tells us. "Dory will be okay." We've promised her that if Dory dies, she will get another fish, but it doesn't seem to register. "Dory will be okay," she says.
Nana has never had anyone close to her die before, and even though a pet is not as big a thing as a grandparent, a parent, or a sibling, I know that it will be extremely hard on Nana to lose Dory. Does anyone have any advice, short of going out and replacing Dory with a new fish (because I know Nana would notice Dory's "miraculous" recovery.)?
Comments
my experience has been that it is easier to explain in simple words and wait for questions. example, "dory died because she was very sick." she'll likely want to know why or if she'll come back. children understand more than we give them credit for, though, so be honest with your answers.
let her grieve. it's easy to want to lie or shield your sweet child from the truth to spare them the pain -- but in the long run, it's easier to allow them to deal with the death and to be honest. let her decide when and if she wants another fish. don't replace dory right away if she doesn't feel comfortable with it. there won't always be a replacement. grandparents or other family members will eventually pass away and it won't be as simple as going to walmart for a new family member -- so don't minimalize the significance of death.
i hope that this helps, maybe even a little bit? i've yet to deal with it with a child of my own, only younger siblings and family members so i don't have any real experiences to share. good luck!
I've explained to him, when he's asked, that all living things die, because our bodies wear out, and that most creatures can live long lives and die in old age, but that sometimes, animals can die young, from accidents or disease. (And he knows that people are animals.)
And we've talked about how remembering something means it's never really gone. The dinosaurs, after all, became extinct millions of years ago, but he still loves them.
I think it helps to approach it from a naturalistic perspective, unless you have religious myths to fall back on.
Kids get sad, definitely. We all do. But talking about it, and the sadness, and emphasizing that your fish had a long and healthy and good life, and that she and your child had a long time to enjoy each other's company, and that she'll always be able to remember her fish, helps, I think.
wow, that's respectful.
Other definitions indicate unfounded or unverifiable stories, but yeah, the primary definition is an explanatory or traditional story.
I think it's funny when people get offended over innocuous comments. And even funnier when they assume everyone should respect their personal religion, whatever it may be.
None of us really know.
The Greeks and Romans did believe in their Gods, and yet we consistently refer to their stories as "mythology." The word "mythology" comes from the Greek, after all, and means "storytelling."
To not believe in a story and to see it as mythical does not mean disrespecting those who do believe it, though, if you're an atheist, it does mean teaching one's kids that people often hold two ways of thinking about the world, one based in faith (which needs no evidence except in support of it and which seeks no evidence to refute it in search of a better theory or story) and the scientific way of thinking (and the scientific method, which begins in observation, moves to hypothesis and theory, and which always seeks better theories and welcomes new evidence that might help to refine current theories).
But on the subject of dory's health, I kept goldfish for a long time, and they surely do have a ton of personality. What all have you done in treatment? The worst thing you can do is put a lot of medications in the water--if she is in a bowl, change out a large portion of the water. Water quality is the biggest consideration in any fish keeping, moreso with goldfish because they produce so much waste. Keep the temperature steady, add a pinch of salt to the water, and keep dory as stress-free as possible. Best of luck.
But pets can be as big a thing. We have five fur-babies, 8 year old cats. They are as much our children as our dd, Katrina. I have to say that I love them more than I do my family....heck I >know< that they show me more love than my family.
What signs other than lack of movement and losing scales do you have of Dory being ill? Moby doesn't move much anymore (but then, she only has one eye now) but I have no knowledge of what losing scales could mean. I find it sad you can't find a vet for Dory - when Moby had a lump over her eye while my husband was at Uni, the friend who was watching her was able to find one and somehow (and I have no idea how) they did surgery to remove the lump. Can you ask at the Walmart or any other pet store if they know any one? (Pet stores are suppose to have that info available for anyone buying a pet).
My only advice would be to look in the library or the book store and find a book that you think would suit on the topic and read it to her. Reading about another child in a similar situation may give her comfort and allow her to know her feelings/wishes that Dory will be okay aren't bad even if they didn't come true.
Good luck...